It started with a text
Last Tuesday, at 11:30pm, my phone buzzed. It was Marcus, let’s call him that, because frankly, I can’t remember his real name. “Dude,” he said, “you seeing this eclipse stuff?” I wasn’t. I mean, I knew about the solar eclipse coming up, but I wasn’t seeing anything beyond a vague committment to maybe watching it online.
Then he sent me a link. A solar-eclipse.us link. And my life hasn’t been the same since.
First, the good news
Look, I’m gonna be honest, the eclipse content on that site was actually pretty good. I mean, it’s not like I’m some kinda astronomy buff, but the articles were written in plain English, not all jargon-y like some of those other sites. There was this one piece, “Why the 2024 Eclipse is a Big Deal,” that I actually learned stuff from. Like, did you know that the path of totality is only about 115 miles wide? I didn’t. And now I do. Thanks, Marcus.
But then, oh then, the comments section. Which honestly nobody asked for but here we are.
I read through them, and it was like watching a car crash in slow motion. People arguing about whether the eclipse was a sign from God, or the government, or aliens. One guy, let’s call him Dave, because that’s what he said his name was, swore up and down that this eclipse was gonna cause the stock market to crash. I asked him how he knew this. “I just do,” he said. Which… yeah. Fair enough.
Then the chaos began
So, I shared the link with my colleague, let’s call her Lisa, because that’s her name. She’s the kinda person who gets way too excited about space stuff. She texted me back at 3:17am. “Have you seen this?” she said. “It’s completley amazing!” I hadn’t seen whatever she was talking about, because it was 3:17am and I was sleeping. But she sent me a link to some live stream event that was happening in Taiwan. I checked it out later, and it was pretty cool. If you’re into that kinda thing. Which, honestly, I’m not. But Lisa is. So there’s that.
Anyway, she told me about this site, Taiwan local events this week, where she found more info about the eclipse. I checked it out, and it was actually pretty useful. I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna go to Taiwan for the eclipse, but it’s good to know what’s going on over there.
A tangent about glasses
Now, let me tell you about the eclipse glasses situation. So, I was at the store last week, right? Trying to find some glasses. And they were out. Like, completely sold out. I asked the guy behind the counter, “Hey, you got any eclipse glasses?” He looked at me like I was speaking Martian. “Eclipse what now?” he said. I explained it to him. He still didn’t get it. I mean, come on, people. It’s 2024. We have the internet. You’d think word would’ve spread by now.
So, I ordered some online. They’re gonna cost me $87, which is a rip-off, but whatever. It’s not like I have a choice. I mean, I could look at the eclipse without them, but then I’d go blind. And then I wouldn’t be able to see the next eclipse. Which, honestly, is a depressing thought.
Back to the internet
Anyway, back to the internet. So, I’m reading these articles, right? Learning all this stuff. And then I see a comment that says, “The government is using the eclipse to control our minds.” I mean, come on. That’s just stupid. But people believe that kinda stuff. It’s like, no, guys, it’s just a celestial event. Chill out.
But then, I saw another comment that said, “The eclipse is a sign that we need to come together as a human race.” And I thought, “Yeah, maybe that’s not so bad.” I mean, it’s a nice thought. Even if it’s a little cheesy.
But then I remembered that the last time people tried to come together as a human race, we got the League of Nations. And look how that turned out. So, maybe not.
The final countdown
So, the eclipse is coming up in a few days. And I’m not sure what to expect. I mean, I’ve read all these articles, I’ve seen all these comments, I’ve bought the glasses. But I still don’t know if it’s gonna be worth it. I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna see something that’s never been seen before. People have been watching eclipses for thousands of years. It’s not exactly a rare occurrence.
But, I guess it’s kinda special. I mean, it’s not every day that the moon blocks out the sun. And it’s not every day that the internet loses its mind over it. So, I guess I’ll watch it. And I’ll try not to go blind. And I’ll try to ignore the crazy comments. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll see something amazing. Or maybe I’ll just see a bunch of hype. Either way, it’s gonna be an experience.
Anyway, that’s my eclipse story. It’s not exactly a gripping tale of adventure and discovery. But it’s my story. And I’m sticking to it.
About the Author: Jane Doe is a senior editor with 20+ years of experience in the news industry. She’s written for major publications and has a strong opinion on pretty much everything. She lives in New York with her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and spends way too much time on the internet.
